Heartbreaks and a Sad Song

We all have our sad, heart breaking moments in life. I too have had a few. The only problem is that whenever I look at them in retrospect and try to narrate them, they come out a little funny..
They have never been funny to me, but strangely, the moment I start narrating them or putting them in words, It turns into a Raj Kapoor style tragic comedy..(Did I just make a self-congratulatory gesture here..?)


Talking of heart breaks, there are many sorts of heart breaks. They happen to you as a kid, as a little boy, as a teenager, as a grown up, as a student, as a friend, as a friend-turned-lover.
I don't think they hurt or feel so bad to everybody but there must be a lot of people out there who recognize what I mean. They are the kind of heart breaks that keep happening if you have an Over-active and Pseudo-real imagination like mine..


How each one of them can happen to you or happened to me could well be a story unto itself but its still in draft mode besides a lot else..(I just figured it out, thats the problem, just too many things remain in draft mode for me...ohh...the trials and tribulations of a thoughtful human...)


I think the 'bed of pain' part got inspired by 'Always' of Bon Jovi..I haven't done much editing with this but I think this could be a song if I had a band or something..:P
But anyways, for now, we have the lyrics..
I know commenting on Blogspot is a pain but you can use your Gmail ID for that and well...let me know if this is any good..:

WHAT I NEVER SAID

Did i say i dint need you
Did i say i am strong
Did i say i dont waana talk
Did i say i am not alone.


Ages passed and now i'm lying down here 
On this cold flat bed of pain
Feel i was trapped for too long
In memories and that cold rain


When you went away i had no choice
but to let it slip and stop this noise
This voice in my head,this pain in my heart
that says i still need you
Still love you and will never stop.


I had to stop being weak
I had to stop showing these scars
I had to cover these wounds
and tell me that i don't care
and tell me that it'll pass


When I cried I hid behind these smiles
and the little jokes only I could see
When I cried I faced the mirror
and let that reflection laugh back on me




Did i say i dint need you
Did i say i am strong
Did i say i don waana talk
Did i say i am not alone.




This may sound more painful than one can ever feel in retrospect, but I guess this was the immediate aftermath, so not much help there in keeping it sobered..


I would love to explain the feelings behind those lines and put some more work into it.. Suggestions at modifications are welcome..Please feel free to help me out..

The story was never perfect

Today I have been feeling a bit sad..

Sad for things that I haven't ever talked about..

I have been trying..trying really hard...right since the time I remember..

Most things haven't come easy to me. I have struggled and still struggle at times with gnawing Self-doubt. I have overcome it at times and always, always blamed things that went wrong on 'This is how it was meant to happen'.

I don't know if all that I perceive as being wrong is really wrong...No its not...

But this feeling doesn't go away tonight..I wish I could just wish it away...

The story was never perfect...

Splasssshhhh....Water...Cold...Very cold...He could almost feel it on his numb face...

Distant voices...

"Wake him up...get him to speak...WAKE HIM UP"

He had always loved the feel of cold water on his face..So cold that it stopped the breath midway to his lungs...choking him....but never enough to take him the whole way...

That was what he loved about water..

A glimpse into another world, just a glimpse...

It would engulf his face for that one flowing instant and take him into another dimension, devoid of all thought, and then leave him gasping..

Distant voices again...closer to his head now...

A crackling sound..coming closer...Electric clamps...He feels it...

Sounds like those leaves under his feet...But it was in another world..in another time..

"This should jolt him back"

"We don't have much time. He is the only one who knows it"

Then it hits..A shock to every living tissue in his body..His body resists but it shakes him like a dead leaf...

"Is he back......Is he awake..??"

Flashback... 

Beginnings in a New Land

ALL SET FOR CONNECTING TO THE MATRIX

To most of my friends, this will come as news that I am writing this post from BHEL's housing colony at Rabak, Sudan.
Just yesterday I finally got everything ready for setting up my own net connection. The Telecommunication network here is running 3.75G which means the speeds are not annoying...:)

MY LOCATION ON THE MAP

SUDAN- CONFLICTS AND HOPE

Sudan is a country in Northern Africa just south to Egypt. Its recent history in the 20th century has been scarred by the differences between the North and South. 
These are the differences which if left to their own, would only have been diversities but were aggravated by the policies of the British rule which has given the world some of the worst and most enduring conflicts of modern history.
The Israel-Palestine conflict, India-Pakistan partition are just a few examples of that legacy. There policies must have been adopted as a part of administering the diverse territories that the British held and its cannot be said with certainty that the English administrators could have foreseen these conflicts.


Coming back to Sudan, North Sudan came to embrace Islam following the Turkish Ottoman occupation in the 19th century. South Sudan, on the other hand, retained most of its indigenous semi-nomadic tribal identity. Both parts were administerd as separate provinces under the Anglo-Egyptian rule until its independence in 1956.
After independence, the country has undegone two bloody civil wars over the North-South conflict arising out of the desire to 'Arabize' the south. While Northerners favor the introduction of Islamic Sharia law in the country, it is stubbornly opposed by the Southerners.
The modern history of Sudan can be viewed as a classic case study of conflicts in the 20th century with the communist-capitalist divide, religion based divides, regional divides and parliamentarian vs dictatorial divide, all having played some role over the years.
You can find more information on the internet and is highly recommended.


Inspite of its bloody history that also involved the genocidal Darfur conflict, the country has been taken on a right path under the millitary based leadership. The referendum held in January 2011 showed that an overwhelming majority wants South Sudan as a separate country. It has been declared that July 9th, 2011 may well be the formation date for the world's newest country.
Already, migration has started between the two regions which, fortunately, has been bloodless unlike the 1947 partition of Indian subcontinent. Maybe, there is only as much bloodshed that a generation can take. But it is a hugely positive development.


While North Sudan will be a quite self sufficient country with dependable infrastructure, the South on the other hand, will be an impoverished nation with challenges similar to the ones faced by Nehru- Gandhi's India after independence. We atleast, had the physical and political infrastructure left by the British while the new country will have a plenty of work at its hand to ensure respectable lives for its citizens.
It is history in the making, and I wish that both nations will tread their separate path towards development.

THE DESIGNS THAT BROUGHT ME HERE

 THIS IS WHY I AM HERE....

Now coming to my presence in Sudan, I am posted here alongside 40 other BHEL employees who are bulding a 125 X 4 MW Oil based power plant. The major portion of the cost of this project is being shared by the Govt. of India. BHEL is the EPC (Enginnering, Procurement, Construction) contractor for the project. 

This basically means that the National Electricity Corporation of Sudan has provided us with a piece of land and all the other work for the project from Civil construction to Final commissioning is in our scope. A German consultant, Fichtner Stuggart Gmbh is providing know how to the Sudanese authorities.
The above shot of the power plant shows that its in a pretty skeletal condition at this time. It will take at least a few more months before my work can start in the earnest. Till then, I will be kept busy by other nuisances like planning, documentation etc. I haven't started enjoying this MANAGEMENT part of things yet, but this project will surely give me a taste of that.

A MAVERICK'S LIFE

I will update this blog with my experiences gradually. Today is a friday, and as this is an Islamic country, its a weekend here. My mind and body still has to work around the tedious job of not assuming Sunday as a weekend.
But I am doing most of my cleaning today.
There are local products available in the market here. The workforce mainly comprises of BHEL's Indian and Chinese sub-contractors. Shopkeepers are especially happy to recognize you as Indians here because they insist on Indian products which are sold a little costlier.

TIDE SAFEDI and CINTHOL..:)

Here you can see the good old tide and Cinthol Fresh that i  bought from the market. Tide for 4 Sudani Dirham..thats 76 INR and Cinthol for 2.50 SDG..thats around 40 INR.
A little extra cost I guess.

MY ROOM

Here's a shot of my room. We have office hours from 8 to 8 with a 2 hr lunch break. We come back and play a few games of volleyball in the evenings and at times basketball in the weekends. Basketball can only be played in the weekends as the court is at a distance from our campus. Me and a few other friends are planning to persuade our people to construct one right here..:) Life is pretty simple here. People around are simple minded and good to talk to. Maybe i can learn Arabic. Its not easy to learn but I so much want to. Lets see, maybe a year down the line I can speak some.

BHEL HOUSING...They're all meant to be temporary structures..:P

Life takes you to places and experiences you never imagined. Sitting with my college friends on the hostel roof at nights, back in 2008, I had never thought i would be in someplace like this. But as i say, I have had the privilege of living in some of the most non-descript places back in my country and i guess the pattern continues outside the border too..:)

But i am happy with things that have been happening around. Upheavals, traumas, travels, feelings, friends and goodbyes.
More on this sometime later. 
Till then....Goodbye.
Be well and healthy all of you..
Look for each and every opportunity of Peace, Adventure, Romance and Love. Pursue them with all your passion as best as you can..Life would be so much more exciting then.